Thoughts On the Journey

What a day. How can I explain.

I have sleep apnea. It means I can’t sleep through the night without jerking myself wide awake to take a breath and continue living. If my body decides not to grab for air, I’ll die. It’s just one of those things that happens in the night. I’ve been poked and prodded and tested, electrodes strapped to my brain, heart, other humiliating parts of my body… and yes, I have sleep apnea. And I am not alone. Several members of my very close knit and genetically similar family have the same physical configuration of soft palette, disappearing uvula and deviated septum which makes for the condition. They all wear a hideous mask at night to keep air pumping into their airway passages. It keeps them alive. Me? I hate the @#$%! mask and refuse to wear it.

I heard about this operation. Cut, snip, push, pull, and zappowee…problem solved. Today I went to see an ENT (ear, nose throat) surgeon to get a consult. That’s when the garden hose came in. It’s like having a colonoscopy of your nostrils and throat. A little tube is shoved up your nose and it has a little camera on the end which records everything it sees. I watched it all on TV. Quite something to see yourself from the inside out.

Bottom line: I am definitely a candidate for the snip, push, pull and zappowee surgery. But the surgeon warns me, it’s a painful two week recovery, sipping soup and ice cream, and the success rate is only 60%. A lot of people go through with it and still can’t sleep.

So what to do. I hate the mask, I don’t want the zappowee pain… but I still can’t sleep. Drugs you ask? Tried ‘em. Nada. They don’t work on me. Only option… lose weight. Maybe if I drop 40 pounds the soft tissue at the back of my throat will shrink and I won’t be gasping for air.

Right. Like this is going to happen!!!

I played golf today. And in the course of playing the course, and keeping up some friendly banter with the women I was playing with, I mentioned the recent election, and asked, “So, wasn’t the election something special?”

The woman to my right gasped. “It was horrible. I can’t believe that evil man won.”

“Huh?” I asked, “what do you mean? You talking about Obama?”

“That man is evil. I can see it in his eyes. I just don’t like him.” She pushed her cart ahead with increasing vigor.

“Where did you get that information? Who told you he was evil?” I queried, knowing I was walking right into some very dangerous territory.

“He just is. I can tell. He’s dangerous. Everyone knows that.” She seemed very convinced.

I changed the subject. Talking politics on the golf course is a bad karma thing to do anyway. Shame on me. But it caused me to wonder. Where did she get her information? What TV media blog channel was she listening to, to come up with this evil “garbage.” She was totally convinced that the next president of our country was bound to the devil in some way. Strange.

But then, thinking through a little further along, how was I so convinced she was full of misinformation? Where, in fact was I getting my information that has led me to think Obama is the next best thing since whatever!

It is true… we make our personal decisions about people and events based on what information we let into our lives. filtered, unfiltered, it all comes pouring in, and we pick and choose what to believe, probably based on sub conscious information we couldn’t discern if we tried.

So. And so we just have to wait and see what happens next.

Was out to dinner with a friend last night. Good meal, good conversation. But we both cut it short to get home and watch the election returns. Obama wins! Yahoo.

I was in bed listening to the radio and drifting off to sleep when John McCain gave his concession speech. It was ok to stay put. But when I heard the announcer declare that Obama was about to appear in Grant Park to give his first speech as President-elect, I had to get up and watch the moment on TV. Wowsa. It was worth the loss of forty winks.

It’s time for a change, and that change is coming. We all need to be part of it. Boots on the ground. Now is the time.

Finally gave in and put my down comforter on my bed. Now at night, while the rest of the house goes into the deep freeze, I am warm and toasty!

Of course, this has to change very soon. Got an “offline” comment from one of my biggest “fans” warning me that if I let the pipes freeze in my effort to save on oil, I am asking for deep and costly trouble. Well warned, I am heading for the thermostat this very moment.

Must tell you all one more fabu fact! You know from past postings, that I have a small addiction to golf. Well!!! It’s paying off. Last Tuesday I participated in my club’s golf tournament “Rally for a Cure” - fundraiser for breast cancer research. I was luckily paired up with three other golfers who are really quite good at the game, and voila!!! with over 60 players on the course, our team WON!!!! As in numero UNO!!! Yahoooooeee. and just to cut off those one liners about the quality of my personal score…. my high handicap really helped as I got two strokes on every hole… Which meant if I got the ball in the hole in 4 we scored it as a 2!!! which really helped. So there ya go. Addiction does pay off!!!

It’s getting to be that time of year… struggling with the morning cold and the temptation to turn on the heat. With the price of oil at sky high levels, I try not to look at the thermostat and I layer—a lot. Shorts, leggings, sweat pants… Three or four layers is all it takes. And then I’ve begun to move the heavy drape. I had it across the entrance to the den during the summer… it helped create some privacy for visitors using the room for sleeping quarters. Yesterday, the drape moved to my office door. And if I turn on the small portable heater, it makes it a little cozier to sit and work at my computer.

I’ve promised myself I would hold off on the heat until I can’t take it… guests are coming next weekend so that might just be the threshold. Don’t want my guests to freeze. That wouldn’t be good for my reputation. And if I just keep moving during the day… lift weights, sort papers, vacuum a room…? might work. And if it really gets cold, I can always just drive around in my car for awhile with the heat on full blast. There’s always a way.

Got this in my email box this morning, and couldn’t resist posting it. You may have already seen it, but it’s worth a second read.

Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this true story.

A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small New England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited. One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk.

After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone. She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor.

There was only one other patron in the store: Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee. The woman’s heart skipped abeat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes. The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely. Pull yourself together! She chides herself.You’re a happily married woman with three children, you’re forty-five years old, not a teenager!

The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman’s direction.

When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty. Where’s my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the
cone still in the clerk’s hand or in a holder on the counter or something! No icecream cone was in sight..

With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into his familiar, warm, friendly grin and he said to the woman, ‘You put it in your purse.’

Now that’s distraction with satisfaction, if you ask me!

I need to take a pill. This presidential thing is driving me nuts. Watched most of the debate last night… watched the pundits this morning. Seems like most think it was a tie as to who won… but that works to Obama’s strength, and the polls are beginning to show him in the lead.

Can’t wait to see Joe Biden toe to toe with Ms. Palin. That’s a show I will stay up for.

So what do you think? I’m watching my family’s investments go down the proverbial sink oil… watching the fat cats of Wall Street getting bailed out, it makes my head spin.

I heard a statistic yesterday that makes me wonder if we don’t all deserve to be thrown down into the fires of the underworld. Get this: Each year the bonuses awarded to the top dogs in the financial sector total close to $30 billion dollars. That’s with a “B,” people. A “B!” That is more than the entire world gives to the continent of Africa to help fight poverty, disease and famine.

Now my little two pence will never help the starving of Sudan, but I can be more careful about where I put my money… how much of this corruption I support with my unbridled consumerism. Hmmmm. Gotta think this through. I need to recycle more than my newspapers.

In just a couple of hours our two candidates will stand toe to toe, lecturn to lecturn, cutting each other to ribbons…or politely disagreeing (depends on your point of view)… I am truly looking forward to the chaos. Should be fun… though fun is not the true word to use. This is serious business.

As my readers will know, I have been following the campaign closely. Watching a variety of tv talking heads expound upon the reality before us… I have been sparing with those of you who think outside of reality… or irrationally… whatever you prefer. Just let it be said. Sarah Palin is a dangerous option. Amen. Vote for the other guy. For sure. Amen. Alleluia.